1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: They're like little, tiny women in cheap fur coats.

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. 

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. 

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck." 

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

a fireman was cleaning the fire engine one day when he noticed a little girl across the street. she was busy cleaning her little red wagon which was fixed to look like a fire engine, ladder and all. the fireman walked across the street to admire the wagon. as he came close he noticed the power source was a large dog with a rope around his neck. he also noticed a cat with a string tied around its balls. the fireman thought this strange, so he said to the little girl," would not it be better to tie that string around the cats neck?". the little girl replied, "well that would be stupid, because what would i use for a siren?".

Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me?
A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesnt bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow.

Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat?
A. They say memory is affected. What was your question?

Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane.
A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a herd of geese.

Q. Is it true the infected cows come from Canada?
A. Let's listen to the cows and see..... Eh Mooo eh moo, eh meow

Q. Are there any infected cows in Quebec?
A. Again let's listen.... Le Moo, Le Moo, Le meow

Q. Can this disease be sexually transmitted?
A. Buddy if you ask this question, switch to sheep.

Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull?
A. He would be the one wearing high heels.

A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was hauling ass
around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He
slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see
the cow?

It was daytime

A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."

And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes.

This guy owns a horse farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this
midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. I'm sending him
over."

The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.

"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and
shows him the eyes.

"Ok, what about her earth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks
up the midget one more time and shows the ears.

"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat." With that, the owner picks up
the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like
to thee her run!"

How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?
He marks the camels that kick.