On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in he head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son, woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the Mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY timesin arow?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with methirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."

Then the young fellow asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

malamute x pointer = moot point, favorites of lawyers but ... it doesn't seem
to matter.

bull terrier x s***** = bulls****, a gregarious but unreliable breed.

pointer x setter = poinsetter, a traditional christmas pet.

kerry blue terrier x skye terrier = blue skye, a dog for visionaries.

great pyrenees x dachshund = pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

pekingnese x lhasa apso = peekasso, an abstract dog.

irish water spaniel x english springer spaniel = irish springer, a dog fresh
and clean as a whistle.

labrador retriever x curly coated retriever = lab coat retriever, the choice
of research scientists.

newfoundland x basset hound = newfound asset hound, a dog for financial
advisors.

terrier x bulldog = terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.

bloodhound x labrador = blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

collie x malamute = commute, a dog that travels to work.

deerhound x terrier = derriere, a dog that's true to the end.

cocker spaniel x rottweiller = cockrot, the perfect puppy for that
philandering ex-husband.

12. Rabbit: "Fatal Attraction" video

11. Opossum or armadillo: "Roadkill Cafe" T-shirt

10. Porcupine: full-body massage

9. Sparrow: "Hitting Windows for Dummies"

8. Mole: cosmetics from the Cindy Crawford Collection

7. Sheep: inflatable Scotsman

6. Centipede: 50 pairs of 5-inch heel open toe pumps

5. Beaver: crotchless panties

4. Baboon: a thong bikini

3. Hyena: any Steve Gutenberg movie

2. Rabbit: Raisinets

1.Snail: Salt 'n' Pepa CD

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

Q: What moves less than 3cm in an hour?

A: An asthmatic ant with heavy shopping!!

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What on earth is that all about?"

The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm."

"Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?"

The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."

A man takes his wife to the local livestock show and they begin to walk
down the line of prize bulls. The sign above the first bull says, "This bull mated 52 times last year." The wife turns to the husband and says, "Gee, 52 times a year, that's once a week - you could learn something from this bull."

They proceed to the next bull and the sign above him says, "This bull
mated 125 times last year." The wife turns to the husband and says, "Wow, 125 times a year - you could definitely learn something from this bull."

When they arrive at the next bull, the sign above him says, "This bull
mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and she says,
"Oh my gosh - that's ONCE A DAY - you could REALLY learn something from THIS bull!!!"

The husband then turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it
was 365 times last year with the SAME cow."

Wanna hear a durty joke?
"White horse fell in mud!"