Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''

The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary11> Invited entire tech-support department to play golf.Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.10> Steve Jobs started work today.The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet. 9> The baby cries constantly.Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price. 8> Bought my first Macintosh.It's sooooo cute! 7> Good day.Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters. 6> Bad day.Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole. 5> Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner.Yes! 4> Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days! 3> Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes. 2> Ran into Demi and Bruce.Upped my offer to a billion dollars.and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates's Diary... 1> Seventh day: rested.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggie.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggie.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggie.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggie.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have you only ordered water?"

The third piggies says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'"

Everyone hear the news about Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty being expelled from Disneyland?

Apparently all three were co-conspirators in the kidnapping of Pinocchio.

For several days, they tied him up, and each took turns sitting on his face, telling him to lie, lie, lie!!!

The following are new Windows messages that are under
consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play
another game?
9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world.
Please log off."
11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
12. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any
keys.
14. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL &
PAPER.SYS)
20. User Error: Replace user.
21. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
22. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
23. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns
you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to
have security?
24. Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots
with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly
fill your hard drives, the following message is now required
as you save your files in Word.
"Word has detected that you don't wish to save your text
file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with
potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated
ascii file as a Word file anyway?"
25. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software
titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.