There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.

Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.

The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

The guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.

Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

The guy replied "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses."

Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?"

The guy burst out laughing and said you can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!

Top 10 reasons computers must be male:

1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. A better model is always just around the corner.
3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
6. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
8. The lights are on but nobody's home.
9. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
10. Size does matter.

Wat do you call a Boomarang which when u throw it it wont come back..?? A Stick!!

If IBM made toasters ...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Microsoft made toasters ...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters ...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Xerox made toasters ...
You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters ...
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters ...
They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters ...
The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

If The Rand Corporation made toasters ...
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.

If Sony made toasters ...
The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Fisher Price made toasters ...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters ...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing".

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?
A: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
Yup, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the 3-year-olds!

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.
If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest!

Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.

And finally, I found out why Michael has cut down on public appearances...
He wants to spend more time with the kids!

IBM: Infinitly Better Macintosh

On Windows NT(4.0):

• The most stable operating system that will run absolutely nothing.
• ...But not on absolutely nothing: 384 MB RAM, Dual-PII 400, 11.4 GB HD recommended.
• All this from the company that abandoned OS/2.
• Plug 'n play? Are you kidding?
• All the headaches of Unix, but in a pretty, windowed environment.
• It doesn't support Plug 'n Play modems, but it will run on multiprocessor system.
• ...We support Plug 'n Play devices, just not Plug 'n Play...

On Internet Explorer (4.0):

• Sorry that it took four releases
• 1,500,000 beta versions and counting!
• 2,000 "final releases" and counting.
• As a result of our recent success, we've hired one thousand monkeys previously assigned to duplicating the entire works of Shakespeare.
• We're not really interested in the browser business. We just felt like making another company suffer.
• Why use that other browser when we'll revoke your license to use our operating system if you do?

Whats the difference between MAC, Windows, and UNIX when trying to delete
an important file?

A MAC says, "I'm sorry, this file is important and it would harm your
system if you delete it."

A Windows machine says, "Deleting this file may cause some programs not to
run on your computer, are you sure you wish to delete it?"

A Unix machine says, "Woops, you fucked up!"