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a little horse walked into a bar to order something and the horse said im a little horse.
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
If a Dog were your teacher, you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a car ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
As you enjoy the wind in your face, do not restrict your capacity to drool.
When it's in your best interest -- practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily, if not by the minute.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the cool grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a tree.
When you take a drink of water, find a human to drip the extra on.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often or severely you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing
and pout...run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Don't stop when you've had enough.
Be loyal.
Tolerate cats -- humans love that.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it, where ever that leads
you.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle him or
her gently.
"OK, class....today we will be studying 3 syllable words. Who would like to give an example?"
Johnny's hand shot up in the air very quickly, "ME, ME...PICK ME!"
"OK, Johnny, go ahead."
"Uh, how about.....masturbate?" Johnny asked.
"WHOA! Very good! That's a mouthful!" The teacher exclaimed.
"NO, NO teacher! A mouthful would be a blow job!"
Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"Johnny said, "No!!"Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"Johnny said, "No!!"His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!His dad said, "Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"Johnny asked, " Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"Johnny's dad said, "As a matter of fact, I can!"Johnny said, " GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"
yo momma so fat she jumped in the ocean and all the whales started singing "we are family" writin by hannahwhittiker2003 an victoriawhittiker2004
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip.
They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My God! It's already 3 p.m., I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.
At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Why did the tomato blush? cos he seen the salad dressing