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When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy."
There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office,.: especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself ... '"Thank God, I'm not a gynecologist.'"
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked."Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?""Well," the doctor answered, "haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."
An old man in his eighty's or so got up and was putting on his
coat, hat, socks, and shoes when his wife ask where he was going.
The man replied, "I am going to the doctor to get some of those
new Viagra pills." His wife abruptly got out of her rocker and
got herself dressed as well. Her husband then huffed, "Well now
where are YOU going?"
"Oh, Well because you are going to get Viagra pills that can
only mean one thing so in that case, she said with a board
voice, I guess I will go too."
"No your not, I can get there just fine on my own and I don't
need you help!" Snapped the man in an aggravated voice.
With that, his wife replied in a very dull and blunt voice, "No
dear, you've got it all wrong, sense you're going to start using
that rusty old thing again, I have no choice but to get a
tetanus shot. You didn't honestly think that I gave a rat's ass
whether or not you got there safely or not.....Did you?"
Alimentary . . . . . . . . . What Holmes said to Watson
Artery. . . . . . . . . . . .Study of Painting
Bacteria. . . . . . . . . . Back door to the cafeteria
Barium. . . . . . . . . . . .What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel . . . . . . . . . . . .A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
Cesarean Section . . . A district in Rome
Carpal . . . . . . . . . . .Person you ride to work with
Castrate . . . . . . . . . .Market price for setting a fracture
Catheter. . . . . . . . . . .String instruments
Cat Scan. . . . . . . . . . .Searching for kitty
Cauterize . . . . . . . . . .Made eye contact with her
Chiropractor . . . . . . . An Egyptian doctor
Colic . . . . . . . . . . . .A sheep dog
Congenital. . . . . . . . . Friendly
Cystogram . . . . . . . . . A cable sent to your sister
D & C . . . . . . . . . . . .Where the White House is
Denial . . . . . . . . . . . Where Cleopatra used to swim
Dilate. . . . . . . . . . . .To live long
Elixir . . . . . . . . . . . What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a juicy bone
Enema . . . . . . . . . . . .Not a friend
Fester. . . . . . . . . . . .Quicker
Fibula. . . . . . . . . . . .Small lie
Genital . . . . . . . . . . .Non Jewish
G I Series. . . . . . . . . .Soldier baseball
Grippe. . . . . . . . . . . .Suitcase
Hangnail. . . . . . . . . . .Coat hook
High Colonic. . . . . . . . Jewish religious holiday
Impotent. . . . . . . . . . .Distinguished, well known
Inbred . . . . . . . . . . .Best way to eat salami
Labor Pain. . . . . . . . . .Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff . . . . . . . Doctor's cane
Morbid. . . . . . . . . . . .Higher offer
Nitrate . . . . . . . . . . .Cheaper than the day rate
Outpatient. . . . . . . . . .Person who has fainted
Pap Smear . . . . . . . . . Paternity test
Paradox . . . . . . . . . . .A couple of quacks
Pelvis. . . . . . . . . . . .Cousin of Elvis
Postoperative . . . . . . . Mail carrier
Prostate. . . . . . . . . . .Flat on your back
Recovery Room . . . . . . Place to do upholstery
Rectum. . . . . . . . . . . .Dang near killed him!
Rheumatic . . . . . . . . . Amorous
Secretion . . . . . . . . . .Hiding something
Seizure . . . . . . . . . . .Roman emperor
Terminal Illness. . . . . Getting sick at the airport
Tibia . . . . . . . . . . . .Country in North Africa
Tolerance . . . . . . . . . .What you get if you give growth hormone to ants
Tumor . . . . . . . . . . . More than one
Urine . . . . . . . . . . . Opposite of you're out
Varicose. . . . . . . . . . .Near by
Vein. . . . . . . . . . . . .Conceited
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.
A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.
Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.
The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.
Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax...
Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"