A MEN GOT A PHONE CALL FROM HIS WIVES DOCTOR ,AND HE SAYS YOUR WIVES HAS BEEN IN CAR ACCIDEDT SO YOU NOW HAVE TO BAY YOU WIVES ,YOU TAKE HER A BATH ,YOU COVER OVER HER ,AND YOU FEED HER ,THEN THE DOCTOR SAYS NAY I JUST FUCKING WITH YOU ,(SHE DEAD).

Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot
in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last
she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record,
"Wounded in the woods."

An acher of bacteriologists A murmur of cardiologists A stain of cytotechnologists A rash of dermatologists A speck of forensic pathologists A poke of gynecologists A vessel of heart surgeons A clot of hematologists A nursery of obstetricians A dose of pharmacists A pile of proctologists A G-spot of sex therapists A stream of urologists

A young man goes to the Doctor one morning and says "Doctor I got this problem".
"What is your problem?" replies the doctor.

"Well I'll show you" . . . he pulls down his pants and he has this great whacking hole in his bum . . .

How did you manage that?" asks the doctor . . . "Well let me explain . . . I went on holiday to Africa and this huge elephant bummed me.

Doctor says "hmmmm, but elephants only have little willies."

The man replies, "I know .... but he fingered me first"

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away.

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"

The Psychiatrist was escorting a patient from one Psychiatric Hospital to
another. They were traveling by train, and the Psychiatrist was intrigued to see
the patient tearing up bits of paper and throwing them out of the window.

"What are you doing that for?" asked the Psychiatrist.

"It's to keep the elephants away!" answered the patient.

"But there are no elephants in Surrey," pointed out the Psychiatrist.

"Effective, isn't it?" was the logical answer.

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a
dog leash. He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says,
''Hello, sir, I like your dog!''
The man looks at the brick, then the policeman, and says, ''It's not a dog,
it's a brick.''
The policeman replies, ''Oh, sorry, I thought you were a bit mad,'' and walks
off rather puzzled.
As the policeman goes out of sight, the man turns to the brick and says,
''That fooled him, didn't it Rover?''