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Все самое интересное
на каждый день :)
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Doctor?
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  Medical | 28 сентябрь, 2013

When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one to ever ask that after a tonsillectomy."

Eye Man
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  Medical | 27 сентябрь, 2013

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.

The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office,.: especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself ... '"Thank God, I'm not a gynecologist.'"

Many Bones
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  Medical | 27 сентябрь, 2013

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

Painful Screams
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  Medical | 27 сентябрь, 2013

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!


She's a bleeder
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  Medical | 27 сентябрь, 2013

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked."Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?""Well," the doctor answered, "haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

Rusty old Man
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  Medical | 27 сентябрь, 2013

An old man in his eighty's or so got up and was putting on his
coat, hat, socks, and shoes when his wife ask where he was going.

The man replied, "I am going to the doctor to get some of those
new Viagra pills." His wife abruptly got out of her rocker and
got herself dressed as well. Her husband then huffed, "Well now
where are YOU going?"

"Oh, Well because you are going to get Viagra pills that can
only mean one thing so in that case, she said with a board
voice, I guess I will go too."

"No your not, I can get there just fine on my own and I don't
need you help!" Snapped the man in an aggravated voice.

With that, his wife replied in a very dull and blunt voice, "No
dear, you've got it all wrong, sense you're going to start using
that rusty old thing again, I have no choice but to get a
tetanus shot. You didn't honestly think that I gave a rat's ass
whether or not you got there safely or not.....Did you?"

Puns
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  Medical | 26 сентябрь, 2013

Alimentary . . . . . . . . . What Holmes said to Watson

Artery. . . . . . . . . . . .Study of Painting

Bacteria. . . . . . . . . . Back door to the cafeteria

Barium. . . . . . . . . . . .What doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel . . . . . . . . . . . .A letter like A, E, I, O, or U

Cesarean Section . . . A district in Rome

Carpal . . . . . . . . . . .Person you ride to work with

Castrate . . . . . . . . . .Market price for setting a fracture

Catheter. . . . . . . . . . .String instruments

Cat Scan. . . . . . . . . . .Searching for kitty

Cauterize . . . . . . . . . .Made eye contact with her

Chiropractor . . . . . . . An Egyptian doctor

Colic . . . . . . . . . . . .A sheep dog

Congenital. . . . . . . . . Friendly

Cystogram . . . . . . . . . A cable sent to your sister

D & C . . . . . . . . . . . .Where the White House is

Denial . . . . . . . . . . . Where Cleopatra used to swim

Dilate. . . . . . . . . . . .To live long

Elixir . . . . . . . . . . . What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a juicy bone

Enema . . . . . . . . . . . .Not a friend

Fester. . . . . . . . . . . .Quicker

Fibula. . . . . . . . . . . .Small lie

Genital . . . . . . . . . . .Non Jewish

G I Series. . . . . . . . . .Soldier baseball

Grippe. . . . . . . . . . . .Suitcase

Hangnail. . . . . . . . . . .Coat hook

High Colonic. . . . . . . . Jewish religious holiday

Impotent. . . . . . . . . . .Distinguished, well known

Inbred . . . . . . . . . . .Best way to eat salami

Labor Pain. . . . . . . . . .Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff . . . . . . . Doctor's cane

Morbid. . . . . . . . . . . .Higher offer

Nitrate . . . . . . . . . . .Cheaper than the day rate

Outpatient. . . . . . . . . .Person who has fainted

Pap Smear . . . . . . . . . Paternity test

Paradox . . . . . . . . . . .A couple of quacks

Pelvis. . . . . . . . . . . .Cousin of Elvis

Postoperative . . . . . . . Mail carrier

Prostate. . . . . . . . . . .Flat on your back

Recovery Room . . . . . . Place to do upholstery

Rectum. . . . . . . . . . . .Dang near killed him!

Rheumatic . . . . . . . . . Amorous

Secretion . . . . . . . . . .Hiding something

Seizure . . . . . . . . . . .Roman emperor

Terminal Illness. . . . . Getting sick at the airport

Tibia . . . . . . . . . . . .Country in North Africa

Tolerance . . . . . . . . . .What you get if you give growth hormone to ants

Tumor . . . . . . . . . . . More than one

Urine . . . . . . . . . . . Opposite of you're out

Varicose. . . . . . . . . . .Near by

Vein. . . . . . . . . . . . .Conceited

Not the best day.
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  Medical | 25 сентябрь, 2013

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.

Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.

A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.
Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax...
Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"



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