A man walks up to a woman in his office and says her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes to her supervisor and tells him she wants to file a sexual harassment suit.

Puzzled, the supervisor asks, "What’s wrong with your co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He’s a midget."

Submitted by ¤Çúrtí§¤
Edited by Tantilazing

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked
by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at
the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no
boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm
unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you
before you see her that the baby is black" "Well," replies the
girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to
live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was
black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of
my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward
questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde
hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I
desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also
involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my
business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted
eyes." "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up
and there was also a Chinese man in the movie."

At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and
presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby
a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother
exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the
midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I
had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark."

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.

He grabs her, yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.

There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend visits her the next day and asks "Are you hurt?"

She replies. "Of course I'm hurt, he hasn't called, or even written!"

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

El duque de Windsor es invitado a tomar té al palacio de la condesa de York. Al llegar, Perkins, el mayordomo, le abre la puerta y le ayuda a quitarse el abrigo y lo lleva a guardar.

"Buenas tardes, condesa. Es un verdadero placer verla. Cada día usted más hermosa".

"Buenas tardes, duque. Usted siempre tan caballero. Es para mí un honor que haya aceptado mi invitación".

"Por favor, no podría ser de otra manera, el honor es mío".

Cuando estaban tomando el té, junto a unas amigas, la condesa propone jugar a las adivinanzas. Todos están de acuerdo y comienzan las mujeres, teniendo que adivinar el duque.

"Bueno, ¿sobre qué le preguntamos?, pregunta la dueña del castillo.

"Ya sé, sobre la yegua negra de la condesa", dice una amiga.

"A ver, duque, adivine: es negra y suave, pero cuando se le toca mucho se para y se vuelve brava y salvaje".

"¡Una pinga!", responde rápidamente el noble.

"¡Oh, es usted un mal educado! ¡Cómo se le ocurre!", se ofenden las amigas.

"¡Perkins, por favor, traiga el abrigo del duque porque se retira!", grita la aristócrata mujer indignada.

"¡Oh, no, discúlpeme! No sé qué me pasó. ¡Por favor, damas, denme otra oportunidad!", suplica el caballero agarrándose la cabeza.

"Bueno, por esta vez lo disculparemos, pero que no se repita".

Las mujeres vuelven a debatir y deciden preguntar por una 'collette' para el pelo.

"Duque, aquí va la nueva adivinanza: es redonda, entra hasta llegar al tope y les encanta a las mujeres. ¿Qué es?"

"¡Una pinga!"

"¡Oh, esto es terrible, no lo podemos creer! ¡Es inadmisible, imperdonable! ¡Perkins, traiga el abrigo del duque que se retira!", grita nuevamente la condesa.

"¡No, por favor, disculpen mi mala educación!. Seguramente se debe al largo viaje. Nunca antes me pasó algo así. Pido disculpas a las damas presentes y juro no se volverá a repetir".

"¡Será la última vez que soportemos una grosería semejante!", responde la condesa muy seria.

Nuevamente se reúnen para decidir cuál será la palabra que deberá adivinar el duque y eligen 'una galleta en una taza de leche'.

"Duque, ésta es su última oportunidad: entra dura y desafiante; sale blanda y chorreando leche. ¿Qué es?

"¡Perkins, tráigame el abrigo, eso si es una pinga, aquí y donde sea!", responde el duque".

A priest had lost his cock (Male Chicken) and didn't know where to find
it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All
the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

Blonde jokes are oneliners so brunnets can understand them.

What do you call a dog that hears voices? A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!