Yo' mama so stupid she sent you to rehab because you were hooked on phonics!

One day, a retarded boy and his father decide to take a trip to
the Grand Canyon.

Upon their arival in the giant crack, the father yells out
"HELLOOO!" They hear the echo going "Helloo!" "hellooo"

The retarded boy is amazed at the echo, and tries yelling
something himself, "Yeref erad uauff kaschader!" The echo came
back, "What the fuck did you say?"

AP and UPI reported today that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."

The heightened alert status was precipitated by the recent fire which
destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling its military.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
(of someone else who happens to be around).

In World War II, an English reporter who had heard so much about the
bravery and elan of the Gurkhas visited a camp just in front of the
enemy lines (Germans). During the course of his reporting, he had
occasion to observe a mission being conducted.

The mission was to airdrop a bunch of soldiers behind enemy lines to
conduct some relatively light action. He watched the commander of the
Gurkhas (a British soldier) pitch the mission and then ask for
volunteers. To his surprise, only about half the Gurkhas volunteered
and were sent off.

Throughly disillusioned with the legends of Gurkha bravery, the
reporter went back home. After the war, he happened to run into a
Gurkha who had been there, and asked him why half the troops had failed
to volunteer. It turned out that none of the squad, both those who
volunteered and those who did not, were aware that they would get a
parachute for the drop. Hence the low turnout.

Things You Hate About Working At Mickey D's:

People who say "uh" or "um" 50 billion times.

People who add shit at the second window.

People who have to add an A in between the M and C for anything that starts with Mc, Such as McChicken or McNuggets.

People who upsize there meals after they've ordered 50 billion meals.

People who want no salt on their fries, just get over it!

People who ask you if you're lovin it.

People who pay entirely in change.

People who walk all over your wet floor. There's a sign, so go around.

People who can't turn off their windshield wipers when they pull up in the drive thru.

People who bring in food from another place, and leave the trash on the table.

People who are too damn big to get in the playland who actually get in the playland.

Fat people who get enough food for 10 skinny people.

People who can't find a certain item on the menu board, look around people. That's what it's there for!

People who order something, and know absolutely nothing about it.

People who ask for combo's. It isn't god damn bojangles, we have value meals!

People who have nothing better to do than hang out at McDonald's.

More to come...

The specialist knows more and more, about less and less, until he knows
everything about nothing, while the generalist learns less and less
about more and more until he knows nothing about everything.

Va un hombre al médico, y éste le dice:

"Oiga, que me duelen los cojones."

Y el médico, tan asustado, dice:

"Un poco de respeto, mejor diga que le duelen los concejales. Pero bueno, yo le recetaré una medicina para el dolor."

A los dos días vuelve al médico y le dice:

"Oiga, ¿cómo van los concejales?"

Y con un suspiro de resignación dice el tío:

"Los concejales van bien, pero el alcalde no levanta cabeza."