I could write romantic poetry
if I could think up rhymes.

Tattoo "I love you" on my butt
about a million times.

I'd swim the deepest ocean
(if I wasn't scared of sharks).

Carve our intials on a tree?
What?! And vandalize our parks?

I'd climb the highest mountain
if you'd drive me to Tibet.

Reenact our love with puppets?
No. That's my dumbest idea yet!

Jeez, this is going badly-
it's like my brain is stuck.

Just believe I love you-
now let's go someplace and...

Cuddle.

See, I told you I had trouble with rhymes.

There was a young man from Belgrave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
It does take some pluck to have a cold fuck
But think of the money you save!!!

Her body was dressed in lace.
She was nice exept for her face.
With her bucked teeth and her double chin,
It was hard to see the beauty within.

I fancied a bit of a gropin'
So she spread her legs open,
The awfull stench
that came from the wench,
made my head whirl
So much I wanted to hurl.

Her tits began to sag,
She started to nag.
So I decided to leave,
Coz I realy needed to breathe!

As far as our relationship went, this was the end.
She drove me 'round the bend.
Now I have a girl that's good lukin',
And I'm never short of a good fuckin'!

POEM # 1
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass

POEM # 2
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

POEM # 3
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says i love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn

POEM # 4
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

POEM # 5
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

POEM # 6
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

POEM # 7
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.

POEM # 8
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration

POEM # 9
Men are like public toilets
They are either engaged or full of shit!

POEM # 10
If guys had they periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!

POEM # 11
Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause...
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN!

POEM # 12
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!

(added) Poem #13
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm In Love But Not With You...
When We Broke Up You Thought I Cried
But All It Was...
Was Another Guy,
You Told Your Friends That I Was A Trick,
I Told Mine That You Had A Weak Dick...
I Said I Loved You
And You Thought It Was True,
But Guess What Baby?!
You Got Played Too!!

(added)Poem #14
Guys are like parking spots...
the good ones are always taken...
and the ones that are available,
are either handicapped or too far away!! *Darny*
Send this to...

0 - You will lose the person that your with.
1-5 -someone u like will ask u out
6-10 - u and ur crush will get closer
11 or more - u and your crush will be together 4 a long
time

I wish all the girls were like statue's of venus,
and I would have me a petrified penis.

I wish all the girls were like holes in a road,
and I was a dumptruck and dump in my load.

I wish all the girls were like trees in a forrest,
I'd be a woodsman and spit their clitoris.

I wish all the girls were like telephone poles,
I'd be a squirrel and stuff nuts in there holes.

Contest Requirements: To use the names Lewinsky and Kaczynski in a limerick Contestants' Entries:

Entry # 1

There once was a gal named Lewinsky

Who played on a flute like Stravinsky

'Twas "Hail to the Chief"

on this flute made of beef

that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Entry # 2

Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky

We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,

Since you look such a mess,

use the hem of your dress

And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

Entry # 3

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown

what Kaczynski must surely have known:

that an intern is better

than a bomb in a letter

given the choice to be blown.

Are you tired of all those "frienship" poems that always sound
good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a
"friendship" poem that relly speaks to true friendship and truth
itself.

My Friend...

When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, I'll dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it can be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to
your sorry ass.

When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I
don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your sorry ass.

This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because
you're my friend.

Send this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed
because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is
not speaking to you right now anyway.

16> Lord of the Thing

15> American History XXXL

14> Monster, Inc.

13> Peter Almighty

12> The Groin Mile

11> The Milton Berle Story

10> Two-Hand Luke

9> Craving Ryan's Privates

8> Citizen Cane

7> Terms of Endowment

6> Swingin' in the Rain

5> Mandongo

4> My Big Fat Greek Willy

3> A Mighty Wand

2> Bend It Like Clinton

1> The OhMyGod!father

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]