A fisherman got married and went to a mountain resort for the honeymoon.
The resort clerk saw the man at the pier fishing and asked, why are you fishing?

Shouldn?t you be making love to you?re new bride?

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got gonorrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk said well you could turn her over and get some booty.

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got diarrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk asked well couldn?t you at least get some head?

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got pyorrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk now in disbelief says gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea, what the hell did you marry her for?

The fisherman said, She?s also got worms and you know I like to fish.

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."

A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."

The man cheers, "Great! I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want.

First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Poof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.

He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Poof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.

He continues,"Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Poof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up ...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.
"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.

"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am ... I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.

The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."

Dennis thinks a moment ... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok ... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.

So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

A little boy was selling fish at the corner. "Damn fish here! Get your Damn fish here!" When a bishop walks by. "My son you don't have to use such profoned launguage." he says "No Sir. i got them from a Dam." so the bishop byes some and went home.
He hand s his wife the fish and says"Honey will you cook my Damn Fish?" the wife replies "No i got them from a boy who got them from a Dam."

so the wife cooks them. later on at dinner time the father the mother and there son were all eating when the dad says to the son "Please pass the Damn Fish." the boy says "Right on dad! will you please pass the Fucking potatos?"

Dentists are wonderful. They put all this fancy equipment
into your mouth, get their drills going full blast, then ask
you questions you feel compelled to answer, like
"I hear your wife has been sleeping with the milkman?"

Three men were traveling in rural America when their car came to grief,
whereupon they sought shelter at the nearest farmhouse.

The farmer had two spare beds in the room next to his daughter's room, but
since he had heard all of those stories he informed the men that one of
them would have to sleep in the barn. One of them, a very polite Hindu
mathematician, immediately volunteered and went out to the barn. A short
time later there was a knock on the door, and, sure enough, there was the
Hindu, very apologetically explaining that there were cows in the barn, and
because of his religious convictions, he didn't think he could remain there.

A second man, a conservative rabbi, now volunteered and went. But a short
time later, there was a knock on the door. Sure enough, he too was back,
explaining that since there was a pig in the barn, he too would be quite
uncomfortable out there.

Whereupon the third man, a practicing lawyer, agreeably proceeded out to the
barn.

In a little while, there was a knock on the door. And when they went to
answer it, sure enough, there were the cows and the pig.