Все самое интересное
на каждый день :)
A quote on marriage
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  Relationships | 24 сентябрь, 2013

May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.

Newlywed Convent Wife
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  Relationships | 24 сентябрь, 2013

A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavoury areas of the city on the way to the reception. "William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?"

"Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time."

"Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."

Pregnant sister
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  Relationships | 24 сентябрь, 2013

Mother: What are you doing with that saw and where's your little brother?
Youngster: He, he, he's my half-brother now.

Dating Hell
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  Relationships | 24 сентябрь, 2013

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through 20 minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert.

During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise.

He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way,he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. "Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?" he asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.

They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl. "Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out... just the sweater.

35th Anniversary
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  Relationships | 24 сентябрь, 2013

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.

During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.

The fairy waved her wand and poof, the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.

He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof, the husband was 90.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

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  Relationships | 23 сентябрь, 2013

The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her
ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?"
"Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broke, I've not been able
to get out of the house to shop, and I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling
around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two
couples over for dinner tonight."
"Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over
in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for
you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know
who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office
and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"George? Who's George?"
"Why, that's your husband, dear."
"Mom, I don't have a husband."
"Is this 234-5678?"
"Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused.
"Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over?"

Problems from the start
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  Relationships | 23 сентябрь, 2013

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"

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  Relationships | 23 сентябрь, 2013

"In some countries," said the geography teacher, "Men are allowed more than one wife. That's called polygamy."

"In other countries, women are allowed more than one husband. That's called polyandry."

"In this country, men and women are allowed only one married partner."

"Can anyone tell me what that's called?"

A student replied, "Monotony, sir!"

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman