A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought he'd better do something. He spoke to all the girls that wore lipstick and asked them to meet him in the ladies room at 2pm.

When they arrived they found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies would better understand the problem if they saw how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a berdaggled brush on a long handle out of a box. He dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

If there are nuts on a wall they are walnuts if there are nuts on you're chest they are chestnuts but nuts on you're chin aren't chinnuts they're a dick in you're mouthsubmitted by lunatic

The number of floppies it will ship on.

The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.

The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.

The number of pages in the "EASY INSTALL" version of the manual.

The percentage of existing programs that won't run in the new version.

The number of minutes to install.

The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.

The number of people who will actually pay for the upgrade.

The number of MHz required for the operating system to run.

The year it was due to ship.

The 98 stands for average CPH : Crash Per Hour.

Bill Gates' age when it ships.

The number of days until Gates tries to sell you a newer OS.

The required number of megabytes of RAM to run at usable speed.

The percentage that will be complete on the shipping date.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watching you."

A guy just came from Turkey and got a job as an apple seller at an apple farm. He didn\'t know any English so he just stood behind the counter and got paid. On the third day his first costomer came in. \"How much are your apples\" not knowing what to say he said Turkey. \"$.25\" said the manager. When the costomer bought the apple he gave a complaint to the manager. \"Just repeat what I say and you\'ll do fine. But only do what I say.\" the manager said in Turkish.
The second costomer came in and asked \"How much are the apples\" \"25 cents\" he replied. \"Are they fresh\" the costomer asked. \"Turkey\" He replied. The manager passed by and said \"Fresh real fresh\" The third costomer came in and asked \"How much are your apples\" \"25 cents\" \"Are they fresh?\" \"Fresh real fresh.\" \"Should I buy one?\" \"Turkey\" he replied. \"Yes, definetly\" The manager said. As the third costomer left the manager left to go get some more apples.

A robber came in the store and said \"Give me all the money how much you got?\" \"25 cents\" \"Are you getting fresh with me boy\" \"Fresh real fresh\" \"Do you want me to kill you?\" \"Yes, definetly!\"

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he
decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the
new neighbor what he does for a living.
The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor." The first
neigbhbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?"

"Logic," the professor reponds.

"What is that?" the neighbor inquires.

"Well, let me see if I can give you an example...you have a
dog, right?"

"Yeah, that's right," neighbor #1 responds.

"And you have children too, right?" says the professor.

"Wow, right again!" exclaims the neighbor.

"So, then you must be married and that would make you a
heterosexual, right?'' proclaims the professor.

"Unbelievable, you're absolutely correct. How do you know
all this about me?"

"Well," the professor says, "I observed there was a dog
house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw
bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children.
And if you have children, you are probably married and if
your married, you are most likely heterosexual... it was
all logical!"

The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend.
His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man
says that he met him yesterday.

"What's he like?"

"Well," the man says, "he's nice and he is a professor of
logic."

"Oh," says the friend, "what's logic?"

"Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"

"Why, no, I do not," responds the friend.

"Well, then," proclaims the man, "you must be gay!"

Q: How many NC State students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to change the bulb, and two to discuss how they did it as well as anyone in Chapel Hill.

There was a young lady from France

Who got on a bus in a trance

Everyone fucked her

Apart from the Conductor

But he came twice in his pants