A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk tells him, ''No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it.''

The duck says, ''Okay'' and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk says, ''I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor.''

The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ''Got any nails?''

''No,'' comes the reply.

''Got any duck feed?''

A priest had lost his cock (Male Chicken) and didn't know where to find
it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All
the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

Blonde jokes are oneliners so brunnets can understand them.

MasterCard for Men
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00

Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's
MasterCard.

John Bobbit Virus--
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)

•Oprah Winfrey Virus--
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.

•Politically Correct Virus--
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".

•Right to Life Virus--
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

•Government Economist Virus--
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

•Federal Bureaucrat Virus--
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

•AT&T Virus--
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

•MCI Virus-- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

•Sprint Virus--
Every 3 minutes it tells you that it's better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.

•PBS Virus--
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

•Health Care Virus--
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

•New York Jets Virus--
Makes your Pentium II 266 MHz computer perform like a 12 MHz 286 computer.

•LAPD Virus--
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".

•O.J. Virus--
Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.

•Ross Perot Virus--
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

•Ted Turner Virus--
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

•Dan Quayle Virus--
Their is sumthing rong wit your're komputer, we jsut can't figyour out watt.

Ilike your style,
i like your class,
but most of all i like your ass.

What do you call a dog that hears voices? A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

This married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the
marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal
shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You
foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some
special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dye makes you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man
claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he
was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try demon Man." Well, the husband, after some
badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he
slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his
wife hadn't seen in many years!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently
over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a
firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming; YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!