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на каждый день :)
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Море развлечений » Английский юмор
Would you Like to Join?
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  Other | 28 сентябрь, 2013

The Prayer Group God willing! The Co-Dependence Club Can I bring a friend? The Agoraphobics Society Only if they meet at my house The Self Esteem Builders They wouldn't accept me anyway The Procrastinator's Club Maybe next week The anti-perspirant club? Sure. The pregancy club? Conceivably. The Spanish optometrists club? Si The Arafat club? Yessir. The Alzheimer's club? Forget it. The compulsive rhymers club? Okey-dokey. The Peter Pan club? Never. Never. The Japanese theater club? Noh. The quarterback club? I'll pass. The Rhett Butler club? I don't give a damn. The Groucho Marx club? You bet your life. The Ebert movie club? Roger. The Yoko Club? Oh no The German philosophy club? I. Kant. The Ford-Nixon club? Pardon me?

Yo mama is so fat
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  Yo mama | 28 сентябрь, 2013

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

The 11th commandment
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  Bill Clinton | 28 сентябрь, 2013

Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope and Moses.
They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an
inappropriate manner. They decided that the only course of action left was to
create an 11th Commandment. This was the only way that they could think off to
get their message across. Now only one problem remained. How do you word this
new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style & holy
inspiration?
After great meditation & discussion, they concluded: "Thou shalt not comfort
thy rod with thy staff."

Why did the chicken cross the road?
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  Riddles | 28 сентябрь, 2013

- To escape an oppressive military regime.


Cierta noche, ya de madrugada,
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  Other | 28 сентябрь, 2013

Cierta noche, ya de madrugada, un tipo le mostraba su nuevo apartamento a unos amigos. El anfitrión los lleva a su dormitorio, donde está un gigantesco gong de bronce.

"¿Y eso?", pregunta uno de los invitados.

"Es mi reloj parlante".

"¿Reloj parlante? ¿Y cómo funciona?", indaga otro de los amigos.

"Mira", dice el hombre, y le da un fuerte golpe al gong con un mazo, que lo hace retumbar en una forma impresionante.

De pronto, se oye un grito a voz en cuello desde el otro lado de la pared:

¡Por Dios, grandísimo hijo de puta! ¡Son las 2 de la mañana!"

People trying to take a pig half around the world.
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  Little Johnny | 28 сентябрь, 2013

There was these three people a Canidan, a Newfoundlander and a Chineese man. They had to try to take it half way around the world with it using the bathroom. The Canidan did not do it. The Newfoundlander did not do it. The Chineese did it. The person asked him how he did it. He said Me Chineese me no dumb me stick finger up his bum.

Sexual harassment
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  Other | 28 сентябрь, 2013

A man walks up to a woman in his office and says her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes to her supervisor and tells him she wants to file a sexual harassment suit.

Puzzled, the supervisor asks, "What’s wrong with your co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He’s a midget."

Submitted by ¤Çúrtí§¤
Edited by Tantilazing

Whos your daddy
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  Other | 28 сентябрь, 2013

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo



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