What's invisible & smells like carrots?

Bunny Farts!

Little Jonny asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"

"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother

Little Jonny answered " The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

When Johnny got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you."

Johnny said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Once, there were two parents taking a shower together, so then their two
children (a boy, and a girl) come in the bathroom and the girl asks the mother,
"Mom, what's that down there?" and the mom answers, "A sharpener". Then, the boy
asks the father, "Dad, what's that down there?" and the father answers, "a
pencil"

After 30 min. their parents came in their room and they ask, "WHAT ARE YOU
DOINGGGGG...!!!",
and they both said, "SHARPING THE PENCIL!!!"

A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house.
Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it.

The little boy calls out, "My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn't have
to come the ladder when he dropped one."

The handyman says, "Yeah, that's great, kid", and climbs back up the ladder
and returns to work. Within a few minutes, he drops his screwdriver, and comes
back down the ladder.

The little boy calls out again, "My daddy would have two screwdrivers so he
wouldn't have to come the ladder when he dropped one."

The handyman mutters something and returns up the ladder. A few minutes later,
the man realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has no way into
the house, so he climbs down the ladder and goes behind a bush.

When he's finishing up, he notices that the little boy has followed him. "I
suppose your daddy has two of these too?" he asked.

"Nope," says the little boy, "but my daddy's is twice as big!"

Q: What gives milk and has one horn?

A: A milk truck!

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "ILU" written on it.

The teacher asks who left it.

A little white girl raises her hand.

Well sweetie, what does "ILU" mean?

The little girl replies, "I love you."

The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet," and continues with class.

The next day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters "YAS" written on it.

The teacher asks who left and what does it mean.

A little white boy raises his hand and says, "It means, You are special."

"Thank you sweetheart", the teacher says.

The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the letters "FUCK" written on it.

The enraged teacher asks who left it and if they know what that means.

A little black girl raises her hand and cheerfully says, "Yes maam, I left it.

It means, from us colored kids!".

Worst Analagies Written By High Schoolers

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.