For those returning to school, here is an inside look at how professors grade
their final exams:
Dept Of Statistics:
All grades are fitted to a normal curve.

Dept Of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them
in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to
mind.

Dept Of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept Of Theology:
Grade is determined by God.

Dept Of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A
when they really deserve an F.

Dept Of Mathematics:
Grades are variable.

Dept Of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the
corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). Tone-deaf
students fail.

Dept Of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

**You're waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

**Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.

**College sweat shirts are 'casual' instead of dress up.

**Your parents charge rent.

**The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

**It's 'getting late when it's 9:30 p.m.

**Three words: Student Loan Payments.

**You make thousands of dollars a year - and still can't afford that dream Porsche.

**You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.

**Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by games end.

**THEN, discussing with your friends: GPAs, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey;

**NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

**Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

**Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

**Sneakers are now 'weekend shoes'.

**Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

**Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.

**Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.

**The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.

**The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.

**You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

**Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.

**You wear more tieq in a week than you even owned while taking in college.

**You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

**You empathize with the characters from 'Friends.'

**METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

**Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.

**You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

**Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

**When drinking, you say at least once per night, 'I just can't put it down the same as I used to.

**Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

**You're actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that's not full of '21-year-old kids.'

**Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

The teacher of the fourth grade class was giving an English lesson:

"All right class, I want everyone to write a sentence which starts with a question and ends with an answer and has the words possible and definite in it!"

All at once, young Johnny's hand shot up.

"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny.
"Write it down, Johnny!" said the teacher.
" ... But Miss! Miss! Miss!" Johnny intoned.

"I said write it down!" exclaimed the teacher who was now quite peeved.
"Miss! Miss!" called Johnny once more.
"Okay, Johnny. I give up. What is it?"
"Is it possible that farts have lumps in them?"
"No!" said the startled teacher.
"Then I have definitely shit myself!"

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college boy delivered his
pizza.

"Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said if
I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

"Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," Jason said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?" questioned the man.

Jason replied, "Applied psychology."

There were four men at a golf club playing a normal game.One man went to the bathroom.
The first guy says "my son is so successful

being a stock broker , he evn gave a stock folder away for free.The second man says" my son is so successful being a house salesman, that he gave a house away for free" the third man says" my son is so successful being a cars saleman that he gave a car away for free".the forth man came back from the bathroom and the other guys asked how well his son is doing.The man says"my son is gay but he is doing really great he just got a stock folder a house and a car.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.119. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.