We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of
those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch.

If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"

6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

9 . "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?"

I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more.

15. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

ALABAMA: Hell, yes, we have electricity!

ALASKA: 11,623 Eskimos can't be wrong!

ARIZONA: But it's a dry heat!

ARKANSAS: Literacy ain't everything!

CALIFORNIA: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda!

COLORADO: If you don't ski, don't bother!

CONNECTICUT: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedys don't own it yet!

DELAWARE: We really do like the chemicals in our water!

FLORIDA: Home of the headless drivers!

GEORGIA: We put the "fun" in fundamentalist extremism!

HAWAII: Haka tiki mou sha'ami leeki Toru. (Death to mainland scum, leave your money.)

IDAHO: More than just potatoes ... well, okay, we're not, but the potatoes sure are real good!

ILLINOIS: Please don't pronounce the "S"!

INDIANA: Two billion years tidal wave free!

IOWA: We do amazing things with corn!

KANSAS: First of the rectangle states!

KENTUCKY: Five million people; fifteen last names!

LOUISIANA: We're not ALL drunk Cajun wackos, but that's our tourism campaign!

MAINE: We're really cold, but we have cheap lobster!

MARYLAND: If you can dream it, we can tax it!

MASSACHUSETTS: Our taxes are lower than Sweden's (for most tax brackets)!

MICHIGAN: First line of defense from the Canadians!

MINNESOTA: 10,000 lakes ... and 10,000,000,000,000 mosquitoes!

MISSISSIPPI: Come and feel better about your own state!

MISSOURI: Your federal flood relief tax dollars hard at work!

MONTANA: Land of the big sky, the Unabomber, right-wing crazies, and very little else!

NEBRASKA: Ask about our state motto contest!

NEVADA: Hookers and poker!

NEW HAMPSHIRE: Go away and leave us alone!

NEW JERSEY: You want a ##$%##! motto? I got yer ##$%##! motto right here!

NEW MEXICO: Lizards make excellent pets!

NEW YORK: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney ...

NORTH CAROLINA: Tobacco is a vegetable!

NORTH DAKOTA: We really are one of the 50 states!

OHIO: Home of Lake Erie and the "mistake-by-the-lake" (Cleveland)!

OKLAHOMA: Like the play, only no singing!

OREGON: Spotted owl ... it's what's for dinner!

PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with coal!

RHODE ISLAND: We're not REALLY an island!

SOUTH CAROLINA: Remember the Civil War? We didn't actually surrender!

SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota!

TENNESSEE: The edjucashun state!

TEXAS: Si' hablo Ingles!

UTAH: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus!

VERMONT: Yep!

VIRGINIA: Who says government stiffs and slackjaw yokels don't mix?

WASHINGTON: Help! We're overrun by nerds and slackers!

WASHINGTON, D.C.: Wanna be mayor?

WEST VIRGINIA: One big happy family ... really!

WISCONSIN: Come cut the cheese!

WYOMING: Where men are men ... and the sheep are scared!

THIERS A GUY AND HE ONLY HAS ONE EYE. HIS OTHER EYE IS MADE OF WOOD, SO HE GOES TO HIS FIRST DANCE, HE SEES A GIRL WITH ONE LEG AND HE ASK HER TO DANCE SHES SO EXCITED AND SHE REPLIED WOULD I WOULD I AND HE SAID PEG LEG PEG LEG. HA HA HA HA

University: ______________________
To: Professor____________________
From:___________________________
I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:

__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.

__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.

__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:
______Medical School ______Graduate School
______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority
______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech

__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in: _______________.

__5. I'll lose my scholarship.

__6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.

__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.

__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.

__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

__10. You are prejudiced against:
____Males
____Jews
____Blacks
____Females
____Catholics
____Whites
____Protestants
____Moslems
____Minorities
____Chicanos
____People
____Students

__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.

__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:
____mono
____broken baby finger
____acute alcoholism
____pregnancy
____VD
____fatherhood

__13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.

__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.

__15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.

__16. The lectures were:
____too detailed to pick out important points
____not explained in sufficient detail
____too boring
____all jokes and not enough material
____all of the above

__17. This course was:
____too early, I was not awake.
____at lunchtime, I was hungry
____too late, I was tired

__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.

__19. Other__________________________________

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.

20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better thanDormFood

After you throw up, you feel better.

You can throw up whenever you want.

When you throw up, you don't have to wait in line.

Throw-up is always warm.

You don't have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.

When you're throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.

You can lose weight throwing up.

You don't have to pay to throw up.

Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.

When you throw up, you don't have to come back for seconds.

You don't have to throw up everyday.

Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.

You can throw up without a photo ID.

Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.

They don't ration throw-up.

After you throw up, at least you know what you've eaten.

Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.

You don't have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.

A dog will eat throw-up.

After you throw up, at least there's some taste in your mouth.

There was 2 college students one was named Jack and the other was Jill.One day at a dinner Jack said "Jill, can I put my finger in your belly button?" Jill replied"Sure" So 5 minutes later jill screamed "Jack thats not my belly button!" and jack replied " and this is not my finger!"

'Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last-minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking
In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his book,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy;
My eyes went a blur,
And I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades earned in school.
When all of a sudden
Our door opened wide
And Patron Saint "Put-It-Off"
Ambled inside.
His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
But summoning effort
He started to bellow:
"What kind of student
Would make such a fuss
To toss back at teachers
What they toss at us?
On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last-Minute Crams!"
His message delivered,
He vanished from sight,
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night:
"Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do our best...
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test."